寫在三十五歲前

當講起自己幾多歲嘅時候,有時我會講自己三十五歲, 實際上我係三十四歲。未到生日,一日都可以 claim 自己三十四歲。但係日子一日一日今過,三十四同三十五歲嘅分别其實越來越小,直到一日 ,boom,喜歡與否已經係三十五歲。

如果我真係叮噹,我希望返去過去,再為選擇作決定。當然,呢個只係一個FF 。Viktor Frankl 係 Man’s Search for Meaning 一書面今講 “Live as if you were living for the second time and had acted as wrongly the first time a you are about to act now”。此時此刻作一個決定又點知啱定係唔啱。可能係因為我欠決一d 野而作出一個決定去 fill-up 一d 野,若果果d 野出現返,又或者不再需要,又或者成就唔到,呢個決定就好似無乜價值,當初嘅決定就好似係錯嘅今。

人越大本錢就越來越小,健康、精神、記憶力、學習能力都係,就越輸唔起。係無時光機嘅今日應該以乜野準則作決定呢?歐文亞隆係生命的禮物一書提出”決定是進入豐富的存在領域的捷徑,這個領域包括了自由、責任、選擇、懊悔、願望和意志… 接受膚淺而過早提出的勸告, 等於讓他們放棄探索存在領域的機會。”

好一個探索存在領域的機會。我treasure d 乜呢?

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Book Report & Reflection: The Gift of Therapy – Irvin D. Yalom (1)

Gift-of-Therapy

Extracted from part of the first assignment I submitted when I was studying  Counselling Skills.

Highlights

I have read the first twelve chapters (excluding the Introduction) of “The Gift of Therapy” from Irvin D. Yalom up to this moment.

In the introduction chapter, Irvin objected the way Psychiatry was being driven to be – focus more on psychopharmacology and abandoning psychotherapy to make the theory more economical. Irvin pointed out the counter productiveness and the danger of self-fulling prophecy being brought to the less severely impaired patients if emphasis were put on a quick and precise vision-limiting diagnosis with a brief and focused therapy (Ch2).

He believed that human has an in-built force towards self-actualization and the patient will grow when obstacles were removed (Ch1) and gradual unfolding of the patient allows therapist to know the patient as fully as possible (Ch2).

Irvin seeks for a more humanly, interactive and equal way to treat his patients by admitting his errors (Ch9), letting the patient’s comment of towards his words matter to him (Ch7), being supportive (Ch5), care about the relationship between himself and his patients (Ch4) and avoid tin-can therapy and prefabricated technique (Ch10) to all clients. He is taking a more humanistic approach which takes time and is opposite to what he described the managed-care industry heading to.

Reflections

One of the good reminders I found is the diverse view of therapy hour between the client and the therapist in Chapter 6. Irvin, the therapist, thought that his client should found his interpretations of an event or thoughts described by his client most valuable. However, it turns out that his client didn’t notice his interpretation as if he hadn’t speak at all but words he doesn’t notice e.g. his apologies for being late, his compliments and his fun-making tease. It may be that these little acts make the relationship more like friendship and the support coming from this relationship is more authentic and genuine.

“I am human and let nothing human be alien to me” (Ch6) from Terence is being quoted by Erich Fromm when teaching Empathy. To expose ourselves to any kind fantasy of the patients allowed us to exercise accurate empathy. However, as every of us have our own pain and dark side that we aren’t fully aware of, this is why Irvin suggested student therapist should experience the therapeutic process (Ch12) to make those pain and dark side up in the conscious level so as to avoid displacement. Experiencing therapeutic process also allows therapists to experience as a client the things that will happen – project on to, idealize, depend on and granting power to the therapists.

To be a good counselor in the eye of one’s clients isn’t an easy task. It requires therapeutic technique to discover the issue and guide the patient through questions and sometimes challenges at the same time allows the client to experience empathy, respect and unconditional positive regards, not to say knowledge to psychology and variety of therapies – so many things to balance and think of.

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